if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize