i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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