Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think my moral compass just broke
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