hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
