She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
