my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
