Screwed.edu
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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