And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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