Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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