You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
