she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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