Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
