I wish I only lived at night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
