Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So apparently I’m into choking now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
