I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
