So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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