ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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