how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And then my night got REAL pukey
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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