Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
