im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
