Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
