Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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