How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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