You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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