Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
