I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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