Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
