She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
