so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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