I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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