She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
