last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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