He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
