hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
