she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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