matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
