does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
