There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
