Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
