im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
