Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
