would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize