I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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