One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
