i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
