very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
