Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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