when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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