there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
