You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
