the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
