i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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