I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
