im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
