They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When are your genitals available?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
