And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
