Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
