Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
BRING THE BAGELS
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
