Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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