I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize