no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
