we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
