i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
