I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
