My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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