Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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