jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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