is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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