so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
