you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
