North Korea, Best Korea!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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