Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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