I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
