i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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