I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
sarcasm needs its own font
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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