Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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