Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
