my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
