Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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