Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
