What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want nice things and good sex
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
