My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
