I swear god or herbie drove my car home
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
