I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
