we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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