why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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